Smile for me, you are not in the picture.

"NO PHOTOGRAPHY HERE, THANK YOU"

The General Public, Happy, sad, mad, right wing, left wing, extremist. Untidy, OCD, in a mess, depressed and much much more.

Tell me what is it that makes us keep going, once we've seen it, why do we want to go back. We talk of enjoyment, yet no one is happy enough. To be happy you must after all be sad.

I've spent a month door knocking, my job is 'a public nuisance' I get to invade you privacy for what is a fraction of your life for some details to help your future. Yet you shut the door in my face. Where some blunty refuse to acknowledge I'm helping, narrow minded or jarred by the politics of data loss and security.

Whatever happened to helping people, why do some people not care about helping others, whilst some find me, "an inquisitor" the most bogus and horrible person around. I am not a salesman trying to find sell you you lecky, or a Jehovah withness, nor do I attempt to make you hand over money for a charitable fund. All I want is five minutes to ask "how do you live your life?" Is it so hard a question you won't give a stranger a chance.

Tell me how do you make new friends when you don't let strangers into your life, is your security so justifiable that I cannot impregnate the fortress you daren't yeald. Could I offer you a cup of coffee or do you think I've poisoned that and your garden plant a looked at on the way up too?

As for the rest of you, why do you not care at all and casually assume that I am who I say I am. Be thankful I've got clearance and I am who I say I am. I'm not here as my alter ego or my pseudonym. Never the twine meet, be lucky you haven't met any of them, I come as your friend and you turn me away, I am not god, but I expect you to respect me not hurt me.

If you had met anyone else, they might have been less kind, and I don't talk of any alter ego's. I am me all the time, but upset me and you will receive my wrath. Who I am in one place is not the same person in another. Oh, where are we going, have you left me to rot, why have you decided I should be here at all? Quite, when did I sign up to this life, this miserable little place. Everyday I wonder, is the last? Have I finally taken my last step?

Yet whose to thank, thankless parents, friends, unconducive, uncohesive communities, why don't you just shut the door in my face and I'll rot on your doorstep from the inside out. Get through my armour and I'm all yours like cats go for treats. But where were you, and why can't I find my companion, has she gone, is she here, was it you who shut the door in my face?

In one column, people are good, maybe a little OTT, but generally nice to chat too whoever they are and you can get along.
Yet so many people let the side down. You are the thick ones who just won't let me help, you are so closed to the world, that your personal, arrogant thoughts are egotistical and outrageous to the rest of us. Yet you claim to be intelligent, I wonder, what does it mean- intelligent - you and I are from the same stock, so how comes you find my skills distasteful. Why do you walk around prancing a line that is untrue, bending the information to suit your needs, you distrust me and won't help me. Yet you'll happily argue with me. If your so positive in your views, why don't you just get rid of me.

You see it's not me whose weak, it's you, you're the one questioning my job status, I am after all entering your life for just five minutes, taking all the essential details to how you live. You are scared, running, in fear of what I might see or remember. I don't make judgements on anything, I accept you for you...and you...you write me off with just a glance, you don't care to help me help you.

And then you complain that the world is unjust and doesn't help you or your community. Yet the help is staring you right in your face. I enable the details to make it better, all you have to do is give them to me. Are you so bigoted, you want things fixed by me but you won't give me the information I require to do the job?

I should just lie down in the dark and shoot myself because I'm never going to win. Just get off your high horse and get involved, instead of yelling at your TV about all the problems, come fix them, don't be a social nitwit. Get in with it.

Smile for me, you are not in the picture. You are just one of many people, a snap shot of life, helping the future, past is past its unreliable and the future is too without your help, let me in, for you may never get the chance again. Life's too short, is five minutes so hard.

Are we all just the same?

Where's Wally The Guardian Newspaper 1/06/2010

Enlightenment

...I think that's the right word.

Humanity actually exists out there.
Doing door step interviews and meeting strangers for five or ten minutes through them, allows a quick free bond without harm. Its good to see that people are actually normal, because, I find so many people unnormal in day to day life, I wonder how anything works. So it's quite nice to beable to breathe a sigh of relief that, the world goes round, and we can all have a laugh and a joke about absolutely nothing. (Even if in the small print there are a few people who do not perform to this normality were all different) the rest of us can go on with encouragement that their isn't anyone to fear from talking to.

I thought this would encourage you all to believe the next step is worth living for, the amount of times I've seen Relate in its many formats from behind the scenes, knowing friends who work in the sector, to being involved, that support can work wonders. So here is a little taste to help put life in perspective:Wonderland.

When we were here

This is much of an impasse as it is another turning on this dreadfully long junction, which appears so normal these days.

I realised that it's been a little while since I last ventured on here, lookinng back not as far as I thought. Only the 11th April, yet another month gone, god this is downbeat, I was meant to be uplifting and welcoming, light hearted.

So whilst I've been off here, whats happened:

The Easter break, where time could stand still by water, flowing past, forever on it's journey,

Derwent Resevoir (Peak District)

Derwent Footpath (Peak District)

Wetton, Peak District (Thors Cave looks out on to)

A Royal Wedding,

A new but very temporary job,

More voluntary work,

I've lost my voice...and instead of what many know to be a mix of accents and dialects in my voice, I now have this standard husky, professional yet personal tact. Distilling to me because I always enjoy listening to voices with a good depth, accent and complete tongue twist. Voices you wish you had been given, now I've broken mine I sense I've found a new layer, a soft quietness with air, I wonder if its working on the girls yet? Hmm, I wish.

Jobs, tasks and endless exercises: paperwork has come and gone, its still stacked high. No amount of intray time & sorting wants to clear it out.

I have gone from happiness through to dam right chilling,

Made for the hills,

Wished for more cycling time, again and again I wish I could glide on wheels like the professionals, the essential hum of rubber and sprocket set on tarmac- I've only ever heard it once for sure.

Watched a spring "heatwave" and now a down pour in three nights,

Been to The Abingdon Air Show:

Vulcan Bomber on a fly past (poor quality on what could have been an excellent photo)

Done people's gardening,

seen a large fire engulfing a Forest, what makes an arsonist?

For sake ye not,
do not tread passsed my door,
do not pass go,
I command you to stop,
You horrible people.
And yet, I know you will not.

But as ever the listener:
John Ronson On : The Fine Line Between Good and Bad.
This is just a poor edition of what I was hoping for, if you really wish to listen.

I didn't have the time nor the power of language to write free hand for 31 days straight on Writer's Island. I'm more adhoc, as soon as I here a phrase that would be good to write I've forgotten it, and if it be, yes I'm boring.
So I'm around and the seasons have changed. But like I said, I'm unlikely to be back until probably the 11th June. Something says my voice is going to be broken for a lot longer still, that or I will permanently sound like you couldn't make life worse, or, more to the point, like an operator reading the same lines repetitively even though right this instant it is good...good? Ja, gut, fine, brilliant...

...I'm working, I'm applying for jobs, I'm volunteering, I'm having fun, but its costing me and not to forget that you have not seen my long list of tasks.

And when it all stops, there is nothing.
An the emptiness fills the air clinging, my god how I long for a stiff drink.


P.s. The Italian's had predicted an Earthquake for today,
Well if you are at all propelled by predictions the Spanish got a biggish one today
Although the geographies are way short of scientifically correct (spatially, tectonically speaking between the countries). But my, that was close enough, and the damage, the poor souls, not to mention how it's one month on (11th March) from the Japanese Earthquake.