Don't think I don't notice the queue's and the lines and the pick up times. Its' been quite a while, the seasons are changing the suns dropping off earlier, the leaves are falling, the darkness is coming. The fresh mornings are here, the days are still warm but that stiff breeze has arrived to say "that coat on that door, you'll be needing that today". Typically warmer in the south of the country than to the north, yet the September mist is starting to drop its dew on the car screens, to make the commuters journey that little bit more arduous.

The setting of a brilliant summer and the long slog post August bank holiday weekend to the Christmas-new year break. The skies turned in the mornings hasn't it, you feel the change is coming. Our Jubilee filled, sporting bonanza comes to a sudden closing, the autumnal hue is beginning to show. The marching of time as we move from a life given to 2012 like no other has to close at some point. But we know were into the late stages of the year, it's too early to talk of 2013; still, the legacies, the reminiscence of what has been and for every shall be remembered, the music that brought us love and happiness, a new found friend, a new way to succeed in life closes.

From here on its down to us to persevere, to hope that one day, the feelings and memories we have of something in the past can endure, even repeat itself again. And in all too sooner time, it will. The spring will come, a new sporting adventure will start, a new party will brew to bring us all together.

When we look up into the skies, what do we see? The stars falling, the galaxies rotating, the universe expanding. Why are we here? How long do we have (?)...if you dare to take a step back from the fast pace of life and note the little changes, our time here is precious and enjoy it we shall try.

Coming from me, a relatively dour and pessimistic outlook on life you could say it's all a bit rich really, but if I don't make you think about what you're are doing just remember three things. We all got a ticker ticking, we are all walking this route, we all have our Green Mile to the next journey and dead poet within us to make us go. Spirit yourself from your chair and get out there. The smell of fresh air, the new school year, people are bossle-ling around to get the jobs done before the end of 2012. The nature though, is beginning to wilt, to pack itself up for a winter. Where in March-April, it'll defrost and spawn a new summer of fun.

That doesn't mean to say pack up and hibernate yourself, there is plenty of jobs, Halloween, bonfire nights and trips to make before Christmas kicks in. Festivities do not end just because nature is shutting down, the grass and shrubs will still remain green, the mist will become your morning friend to pally up with your morning tea or coffee as you commute down the slippery drive which will inevitably ice up, bring the skiers out as soon as the first snow lands to turn the multi-coloured outdoors of summer potted plants into that cold, yet warm feel of winter joys.

I'll still be with you, standing in that queue, murmuring about the one liners people say to each other and the pick up times- from bus rank to doorstep, from pub to eatery, from friend to soul mate. In the mean time, look up at the stars and notice the beauty that is hidden beyond our own Milyway, we are here, and that's all that matters. Time will turn on the axis and we will be wrapped up and cocooned in the summer of fun.

Uncompleted Tasks in Revision

For those who have seen my right hand page of information, a little box marked "Uncompleted Tasks" listed as items to progress on in life after my Destiny post (it's like writing by looking back on previous posts week) the list needs some detail towards where I have gotten too since January 2011.

The list stands as:
1. Tennis practice: notably the service;
2. Piano practice: strengthen left hand;
3. Cornet practice: Complete Grade 5 and perform with orchestras;
4. Music Theory: Grade 5;
5. Geographical Professionalism: attain high understanding and teaching abilities;
6. Cycling practice: achieve long distance stamina and pace.

Currently, I find my Tennis practice and service better after joining a local Club in May, I needed to escape from the day to day grind of work, this unfortunately means cycling over the years has had its moments but currently out of action. Musically speaking similar, I am more attuned to it of late but still no where near ready to go back to it yet. As for my professional life style I have achieved another professional level and broadened my knowledge and skills in a number of areas so that's going well.

Only thing is no one appears to be giving me any positive vibes about any of it, so am very much alone and not feeling worthy of any of it, I got told today that I should be more willing to do stuff, I can't help it if I'm persistently tired from all the work related stuff and Tennis (in the rain no less!) My week is a bit small but shattered from it, I positively lack energy for most things, not helped when told I'm not doing as much as I could be (when apparently fighting against the rest of world to do their bit so I don't have to pull everyone else along cause they don't want to).

Great. 

I do all the behind the scenes stuff no one appreciates, I do all the jobs no one else likes or finding I have to sort other peoples lives out, which is all well and good, I enjoy helping others, but then they ask what I do with mine and they don't realise I've spent hours on other peoples lives too.


Sanctuary: Alex Clare

"Brush off the ashes and walk away"

Out their among the stars we live and breathe as one, as a group. We still return home sometimes in glory of a brilliant day. Sometimes we return wondering why we have done anything to be of a worthy cause, have we progressed or made a difference to someones life today. Without the connection to the many strangers we meet in the day a loneliness forms, enveloping your soul, cutting you from the norm of society. The lack of social interaction bit by bit takes its toll, removing your most fundamental feelings. The enjoyment of life then comes to a stop, replaced by the autopilot program of going from A to B and doing tasks C through D. It is quite easy to go through life half a sleep if your not willing to look beyond the routine we are continuously sucked into.

Fly Me To The Moon: Anna Ternheim
Of course if we still stand together, divided, our hearts will fall. The moment we think an achievement or accomplishment may have occurred. Someone is prepared to turn the corner and put you down, that person, the one person always prepared to play the pundit and wittingly or not hurt you deeply in a way that can not be shown to anyone. It is then that you note just how hard it is to live a solitary life style where finding someones shoulder, to find the human contact and emotions is the only way out. No pillow or teddy bear will do and sitting in front of the TV watching old films waiting for the day to get better just will not do.

Make It On My Own: Anna Ternheim
The only thing that consolidates all this is that, tomorrow maybe better, seeing the blue skies, even with big rain filled clouds, looking out at our surroundings puts you in a stead fast position that something bigger, something you are part of even for a short while is happening and what lies beyond is anyones guess. The only thing is that is a depressing thought in it's own right when the future can appear to be easily wished away, there is not enough time in life to stop and see, just get on with the daily grind. Yet, what is not known to children is a long sense of history to the adults. Where eighty year olds see a life lived only a short spell of time has past for the new generation coming through in their teenage years already living - potentially - the best time in life. What exactly keeps us young, and how do we make the contact we need to keep enjoying each day with someone beside us, when we continue on this path very much alone, questioning why friends disappear over time into their busy lives of of the day by day grind.

Is it really social connection or a buzz out of life that were after, what makes us enjoy our days, stuck in an office all day, travelling as far as the park and back at lunch certainly not the most awe inspiring time in life, but then living on the edge by changing jobs every three to six months and moving around the country makes up for it. Just settling back down and socialising in the community is hard and different from changing things up more frequently. To Be Gone: More of Anna.


-
I forward you on in kind recognition to "Malleable Reality" where the posts At the End of the Day and Giraffe in a Box have also covered a similar variation of my theme above, where looking out to make our lives better can be done if given the chance to jump for it and the closure of a day resembles another step in our lives.

For a wet Sunday morning, where April has lived up to its expectations of April showers, we have now entered the wettest drought. According to the news, this is something exceptional. l Pointlesss I say, with respect, as a drought is completely different to flooding. So when they talk about flood in drought's, remember the water is hitting hard ground, that is easily taken away before entering the network system we use to supply our taps.

For a wet sunday morning, I felt the urge to go for my walk, I like walking, I found myself wandering my quintesential middle class town that homes a great number of jobless people these days. The split personality it struggles to cope with and portray, gel the two 'factions' together, this means that for a wet sunday morning I was able to wander around and find new places of green space, streams, and giant old oak tree's. I long for the days of walking back through the forests and woodland's where we once stood proud. Where we always did see so much, for the rain displays a new picture, every leaf heavily laden with water, bowing; every branch with a dribble rolling along it.

Let the rain fall and let grass grow green. No need to cut the grass for cutting it increases the grasses need for water, it is a weed it will cope without cutting and water for sometime. It would be a weed if it wasn't for the fact it's looked after and delicately handled - then the kids play on it.

As you can tell April has come and gone, now May has arrived.

I went to the New Forest and the Isle of Purbeck, I managed to get two out of some 145 photos absolutely spot on without editting. A few others are pretty good but slightly white washed in places. None the less pre editting - my little digital camera (which is an understatement for its abilities) over the May bank holiday worked very hard.

Lyrical Meanings

Randomly sat at work, I found myself humming a tune I could not place with words of another world. So I wrote down what I could remember and turned them in to something I thought might be worthy, before I forgot what I was murmuring.
This was only to find out (later on) that actually what I had written made no sense at all and I have nothing of worthy production out of this random moment, to post.
Thus this paragraph is turning paradoxical.

I haven't been in for a while. Apologies if you wondered where I had gone. Time has caught up with me, and now the days are finally manageable I thought I'd drop back in and say hello.

Looking back over what's on the front page, it seems that what was once past is past and now the future is something that could be unimaginably eventful. I consistently wish the camera was by my side so that I could continue to recall the days that have been, but whilst no one else around me has noticed, I have begun to see that my memory is worse. Unfortunately, whilst I may be young, and thus disbelieving in this self-diagnosis, something is telling me I cannot think as well I used to.

Just to add to insult, just as music does, now photos wonderful as they are to help me remember the times gone by, only bring back memories which I have long buried, wishing them to be gone again before the welling of the tear ducts begin.

Whatever it is, it cannot be.

On the brighter side, I have bought myself a copy of The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, why do I find myself languishing within the realms of this, the bleak outlook, the cold forsaken city Berlin was, the grey walls and THE WALL. The eternal issue that continues to move us along. When will it all stop? Will we ever escape?

Finally, I have no idea when I'll be back, something of writing on here has stopped me, no, something of the dread of finding words, yet my fingers write whilst I have no control over them - per say - means that I have run out of thoughts to write down. All that is left to say is keep in touch, and maybe, just maybe I will come back round and say hello, because I still enjoy reading your stuff even if I can't find my own words.

So shall we say au revoir, and just maybe as in The Beaver (see previous entry to this one) I will return, a new version adapted as a picture of a man who had to become something to do something else in order to become the picture. What that is yet, I am not sure but I will find out one day.