Uncompleted Tasks in Revision

For those who have seen my right hand page of information, a little box marked "Uncompleted Tasks" listed as items to progress on in life after my Destiny post (it's like writing by looking back on previous posts week) the list needs some detail towards where I have gotten too since January 2011.

The list stands as:
1. Tennis practice: notably the service;
2. Piano practice: strengthen left hand;
3. Cornet practice: Complete Grade 5 and perform with orchestras;
4. Music Theory: Grade 5;
5. Geographical Professionalism: attain high understanding and teaching abilities;
6. Cycling practice: achieve long distance stamina and pace.

Currently, I find my Tennis practice and service better after joining a local Club in May, I needed to escape from the day to day grind of work, this unfortunately means cycling over the years has had its moments but currently out of action. Musically speaking similar, I am more attuned to it of late but still no where near ready to go back to it yet. As for my professional life style I have achieved another professional level and broadened my knowledge and skills in a number of areas so that's going well.

Only thing is no one appears to be giving me any positive vibes about any of it, so am very much alone and not feeling worthy of any of it, I got told today that I should be more willing to do stuff, I can't help it if I'm persistently tired from all the work related stuff and Tennis (in the rain no less!) My week is a bit small but shattered from it, I positively lack energy for most things, not helped when told I'm not doing as much as I could be (when apparently fighting against the rest of world to do their bit so I don't have to pull everyone else along cause they don't want to).

Great. 

I do all the behind the scenes stuff no one appreciates, I do all the jobs no one else likes or finding I have to sort other peoples lives out, which is all well and good, I enjoy helping others, but then they ask what I do with mine and they don't realise I've spent hours on other peoples lives too.


Sanctuary: Alex Clare

"Brush off the ashes and walk away"

Out their among the stars we live and breathe as one, as a group. We still return home sometimes in glory of a brilliant day. Sometimes we return wondering why we have done anything to be of a worthy cause, have we progressed or made a difference to someones life today. Without the connection to the many strangers we meet in the day a loneliness forms, enveloping your soul, cutting you from the norm of society. The lack of social interaction bit by bit takes its toll, removing your most fundamental feelings. The enjoyment of life then comes to a stop, replaced by the autopilot program of going from A to B and doing tasks C through D. It is quite easy to go through life half a sleep if your not willing to look beyond the routine we are continuously sucked into.

Fly Me To The Moon: Anna Ternheim
Of course if we still stand together, divided, our hearts will fall. The moment we think an achievement or accomplishment may have occurred. Someone is prepared to turn the corner and put you down, that person, the one person always prepared to play the pundit and wittingly or not hurt you deeply in a way that can not be shown to anyone. It is then that you note just how hard it is to live a solitary life style where finding someones shoulder, to find the human contact and emotions is the only way out. No pillow or teddy bear will do and sitting in front of the TV watching old films waiting for the day to get better just will not do.

Make It On My Own: Anna Ternheim
The only thing that consolidates all this is that, tomorrow maybe better, seeing the blue skies, even with big rain filled clouds, looking out at our surroundings puts you in a stead fast position that something bigger, something you are part of even for a short while is happening and what lies beyond is anyones guess. The only thing is that is a depressing thought in it's own right when the future can appear to be easily wished away, there is not enough time in life to stop and see, just get on with the daily grind. Yet, what is not known to children is a long sense of history to the adults. Where eighty year olds see a life lived only a short spell of time has past for the new generation coming through in their teenage years already living - potentially - the best time in life. What exactly keeps us young, and how do we make the contact we need to keep enjoying each day with someone beside us, when we continue on this path very much alone, questioning why friends disappear over time into their busy lives of of the day by day grind.

Is it really social connection or a buzz out of life that were after, what makes us enjoy our days, stuck in an office all day, travelling as far as the park and back at lunch certainly not the most awe inspiring time in life, but then living on the edge by changing jobs every three to six months and moving around the country makes up for it. Just settling back down and socialising in the community is hard and different from changing things up more frequently. To Be Gone: More of Anna.


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I forward you on in kind recognition to "Malleable Reality" where the posts At the End of the Day and Giraffe in a Box have also covered a similar variation of my theme above, where looking out to make our lives better can be done if given the chance to jump for it and the closure of a day resembles another step in our lives.